I am extremely happy with my love life.

I rarely ever blog anymore. It just seems like I really have nothing to say. I do everything the same everyday. Very monotonous. Well lately I have been wanting to get a journal. One to write my dreams in. The ones I have been having are ones that I dont ever want to forget.

I've come to a realization and I really hope now I can just move on with my life and be a better person. I have been stuck in the past for way to long. Sometimes you just need to get the fuck over it.

Joe and I have been pretty good. We haven't fought in a while. It feels good to not have to worry about what you're gonna fight about this time. We have just been sitting home together with Elliott and loving every minute of it.

I love my little boy so much. I didn't ever think it was possible to love someone this much. He is just an amazing little boy. He can make me feel so much better just by giving me a little smile. I love him I love him I love him!

Well Joe and I have been struggling with money for a while. WACOG payed our aps bill which really helped a lot. It was over 800 bucks. We still owe the landlord money though. Which sucks. Cause we haven't been able to treat ourselves with anything lately. All I want to do is go out to eat at a restaurant but no. Eh. Oh well. I guess I should be use to it by now.


I am going to be 21 soon. I am excited but not. I don't think anyone is going to be here for my birthday. Jhanell might not make it. My sister is leaving at the end of October. And most of my friends are 21 yet. Joe said that we can hang out with Jordan and Ed or whatever.. but like.... those are his friends. Whatever.

I'm hungry. Time for some Ramen. =/

oh and also. I feel fucking fat and disgusting.

Joe:



In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional little white lies the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.




Me:



Timid and attractive, the Rabbits of the Chinese Zodiac tend to act more like bunnies, whether they like it or not! This Sign is extremely popular and has a wide circle of family and friends. Its compassionate nature leads it to be very protective of those it holds dear, but where romance is concerned, the Rabbit's sentimentality can lead it to idealize relationships. The sweet, sensitive Rabbit often ends up giving more of itself to a partner than is realistic or healthy. The good news is, when this Sign goes off-balance, the Rabbit's core group of friends and its stable home life help bring it back to center.

The Rabbit is a rather delicate Sign that needs a solid base in order to thrive. Lacking close, supportive friends and family, the Rabbit might just break down in tears at the first sign of conflict. Emotional upsets in this Sign's life can even lead to physical illnesses. Rabbits dislike arguments and other conflict and will try anything to avoid a fight; this results in something of a pushover nature. Rabbits can also lapse into pessimism and may seem stuck in life -- often to mask their insecure natures. Rabbits tend to move through life's lessons at their own, rather contemplative pace; it's a waste of time to become exasperated with this Sign's seeming disinterest in facing its problems and conquering them.

With the right partner -- meaning someone whose high principles won't allow it to take advantage of this sensitive, giving Sign -- the Rabbit can make an incredibly loving and protective partner or family member. Rabbits love to entertain at home and always make sure their house is comfortable and tastefully-furnished. What Rabbits need most is a stronger sense of self-worth and the security that comes with it. Their discerning natures, coupled with some hard-won assertiveness, will help these happy creatures go far.




Elliott:


Though the Western rat is reviled as little more than a bottom-dwelling disease carrier, this animal is viewed much differently in the East. The Eastern rat is revered for its quick wits and its ability to accrue and hold on to items of value; rats are considered a symbol of good luck and wealth in both China and Japan. Clever and quick-witted, the Rat of the Chinese Zodiac is utterly disarming to boot. Possessed of excellent taste, this Sign flaunts its style at every turn. Its natural charm and sharp, funny demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone. The Rat likes to know who is on its side and will treat its most loyal friends with an extra measure of protection and generosity.

Behind that sweet smile, though, Rats are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas. This Sign is motivated by its own interests, which often include money; greed can become a problem if the Rat isn't careful to keep its priorities straight. This Sign's natural powers of charm and persuasion can definitely come in handy! Although they are often hoarders, Rats can be very generous to those in their pack, namely friends and family members who have proven their loyalty. Others might perceive them as quick-tempered and sharp-tongued, but never boorish. Verbal jousting is a great pleasure for the Rat, a Sign that everyone around will quickly learn either to love or to hate.

Rats enjoy being on the outside looking in, as the outside affords a view into the inner workings of a system or situation. The Rat's keen mind always seeks out new knowledge, to be stored away for future use. This ever-curious Sign also welcomes challenges as a way to stay sharp. If boredom sets in the Rat is no fun at all, but that isn't likely; this Sign knows how to keep itself entertained.

A valuable lesson for Rats is to learn to consider others above themselves, at least sometimes. If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats could find true happiness.

Is there​ somet​hing/​someo​ne you wanna​ let go of?
Story of my life.


What did you dream​ about​ last night​?​
i can't remember.


Have you heard​ a song that remin​ds you of anyon​e today​?​
today? no.


What will you do tomor​row?​
pay my aps before it gets shut off.


Do you drink​ iced tea?
no. i hate tea.


Have you ever lied to someo​ne about​ your feeli​ngs?​
yes.


Excit​ed for anyth​ing this week?​
I was excited today because I had lunch with MA.


What were you doing​ at 8:00 this morni​ng?​
I was waking up. but then i fell back asleep.


Who did you hug last,​ not inclu​ding your famil​y?​
MA.


Did you have a good birth​day this year?​
I haven't had it yet. It's in November.


Are you tired​ right​ now?
sort of, yes.


How many child​ren do you plan on havin​g?​
one.


Do you own a littl​e black​ dress​?​
yes, but i dont think it fits me anymore.


When you see a foggy​ windo​w do you feel the need to draw or write​ on it?
no. not everytime.


How many cousi​ns total​ do you have?​
5832975389267289235236.


Did you get at least​ eight​ hours​ of sleep​ last night​?​
i got a LOT of sleep last night.


How old will you be in 5 years​?​
I will be twenty-six.

Ever stole​n a stree​t sign?​
no, i haven't.


Do you wear any jewel​ry 24/​7?​
my ring.


Do you know what you'​re going​ to wear tomor​row?​
nope. i never know until the last minute.


Is your phone​ withi​n a meter​ radiu​s of you?
no. its dead in my purse.


Who was the last perso​n to play with your hair?​
Elliott. He didn't so much play it as pull it.

Do you care if your water​ is from the fauce​t or a bottl​e?​
yes, i do.


Have you ever sleep​-​walke​d?​
i dont think so.


Do you feel like the world​ will be a bette​r place​ one day?
hopefully for the sake of elliott.


Who was the last perso​n to yell at you?
Joe.


What'​s the last resta​urant​ you went to?
Applebees.


Will this weeke​nd be a good one?
Eh probably not.


What do you want right​ now?
water with ice would be nice.


Look behin​d you, what do you see?
bed.


What would​ you name your futur​e son?
His name is Elliott Nikolai.


Do you hate the last girl you were talki​ng to?
Fuck no i dont! I love my bestie.


When is the last time you took a nap?
today.


Whose​ bed did you sleep​ in Wedne​sday night​?​
mine.


Do you miss anyon​e?​
of course i do.


Who is your last misse​d call?​
fuck if i know.


What time did you wake up today​?​
which time?.


Is there​ anybo​dy that you trust​ 100%​?​
only one person.


What did you do last night​?​
nothing.


What do you hear right​ now?
ac.


Are you talle​r than your mom?
nope.


Do you think​ someo​ne loves​ you?
i know people love me.


Do you want to get marri​ed & have child​ren one day?
yes.


Could​ you go the rest of your life witho​ut smoki​ng a cigar​ette?​
yes.


Were you happy​ when you woke up?
yes!

I never have anything to write about.
Maybe because I never do anything.
I just sit at home. Take care of Elliott.
My life is pretty monotonous.

My dreams are my only escape.
Where I can do the things I wish I did in life.
Like.
Go outside.

I don't know what I'm losing?

You don't.

This question was in the writers block archive on LJ::
Do you miss anyone right now? What past experiences with this person, or these persons, make it easy for you to miss them?:::

Right as I read this two people came to mind. But I will only put one.

Jhanell.
I miss her more than words could even explain. She is the only person in a long time that has made me feel like I have someone to really turn to. She can pick me up out of a rut just by a text. We have had so much fun together. Most of the fun stuff I have done in my life would have never happened if it wasn't for her. She has never judged me and has never pushed her opinions on me when I am doing something not so smart. And she has stuck by me through plenty of tough times.

I love you Jha Jha!

Nanny Butt had to go to the vet today. She isn't doing so well. And everything happened in the span of 3 hours. At 6 in the morning she was out and about bucking around like she does. Then I make a tv dinner lasagna at 9.. it blows so I go outside to give it to the dogs. I yell for "Nanny Baccs!!" About 4 times since they always take forever cause they have been staying under the house lately. But.. this time. Bacca was the only one who came for it. Which already said something was wrong because when it comes to food and Nanny nothing comes between them. So I freak out a little and literally yell her name for over 10 minutes. Even near the hole under the house where she gets in. And NOTHING. I call Joe almost in tears because I of course think the absolute worst. He says he is coming home so we hang up and a minute of me yelling her name again.. I hear "hmmmpphhh" THANK FUCKING GOD. I didn't think I could handle her not being alive let alone what Joe would have done. Joe comes home yells her name and she finally comes out. I feed her turkey and we cover the hole. We go inside to call the vet because she is limping and has a hangy thing near her back leg. she goes back under the house. It took us all day until 930 to get her out. Cause she was finally hungry.
We just got back from the vet. She thinks it is either an infection from a bug bite or an abscess. If she doesn't get better with the medicine we give her in 2 days we have to take her back to get a coagulation test.
I really hope she gets better. She is my favorite.

I had such a fun time last night. It's been way too long since there has been an actual good show in Yuma. Joe threw one yesterday. There were supposed to be 5 bands playing. but only Joe's band and 2 out of town bands showed up. Regardless that show was fucking awesome. Great turnout. Joe should be proud. The last couple of shows in Yuma NONE of the damn bands showed up.

I loved being out and about listening to music with 30 other kids.
It was time much needed and time well spent.

Okay I was going to update my lj today. I had decided to do these little suggestions that lj has everyday just in case you have writers block.. but this was the question for today.

How do you feel about Pluto's recent demotion? Should it still be a planet?


i could honestly care less.

Well for about a week now my car has been broken down. It's shitty cause we have to drive around my parents mustang. It's a 66 mustang that isn't really baby friendly. Sometimes the A.C.makes the car stop and the seats are too close to sit comfortably if you have the car seat in there. Joe and I are struggling a little with money right now and neither of us have good enough credit to get a car.

My parents just got a new car.
I know they didn't do it to hurt us.
But It's just bad timing on their part.

I've been listening to Johnny Cash lately and have found a song that answered that stupid myspace survey question.
"What one song describes your love life?"

Well here it is.


You're gonna break another heart, you're gonna tell another lie
Well here I am and there you go, you're gone again
I know you're gonna be the way you've always been
Breakin' hearts and tellin' lies is all you know
Another guy gives you the eye and there you go
There you go, you're gone again
I should have known, I couldn't win
There you go, you're by his side
You're gonna break another heart, you're gonna tell another lie

Because I love you so I take much more than I should take
I want you even though I know my heart is gonna break
You build me up and for a while I'm all a-glow
Then your fickle heart sees someone else and there you go
Thre you go, you're gone again
I should have known, I couldn't win
There you go, you're by his side
You're gonna break another heart, you're gonna tell another lie


It is me. As in I am not the singer but the one he's singing about.

I jumped from relationship to relationship.

There you go.






I'm not feeling to good.

It's been a while. I haven't updated. As many of you know...the birthing experience was pretty much hell for me. I had no epidural. Or painkillers. I had to do the whole thing natural. Argh. haha. Not by choice either. I got the epidural then they stopped it because my contractions weren't coming in hard enough. It was pretty awful.
When Elliott was born he had to stay in the NICU for a week. They believed he had a small lung infection and then he got jaundice so they started phototherapy as well. He's all better and out now.
Joe, Elliott and I have been at my parents house for the week he got out. So I could have a helping hand while Joe goes back to work. It was nice to have someone there.
Now I am at home. Yesterday was the first day back. And of course Elliott isn't feeling well at all. He was up crying all day and night because he was constipated. It was horrible. Little kinda playdoh poops would only come out and it took a lot of pushing and tears for it to. It was so heartbreaking to see him in so much pain. It made me cry.

He's sound asleep now. So I'm going to try and get some shut eye as well.. because I didn't get any last night.

I want this baby out!!!!!!!!!!!


my parents are here now.

so move on!

I left my damn ipod on for who knows how long and it's frozen. Yet again. Ugh!!! It's so irritating. I can't get it to shut off or do anything. I was going to finally put my cds on there. And no. It's stuck on a Clits song. haha. Dammit.

Well I woke up to a nice turd Leroy left in the band room. God I wanted to ring his little neck. If Joe hadn't already put him outside I would have thrown him out. And then thrown his turd at his face. I was going to leave it there so Joe would have to clean it. But It smelled and I just couldn't take it anymore. I wish Yuma weather allowed this little bitch to be able to stay outside AT ALL TIMES. Hmmph.

I went to the hospital on Sunday. Was not my best day. I was writhing in pain from 1 until 6 when I finally decided I could not stand it anymore. I had to figure out what the hell was going on. Cause I know it wasn't just that he dropped further or he was sitting in a weird position. It was way too painful. Turns out I have a really bad infection. Funny thing is they barely realized it when they were ready to boot me out of there without figuring out really what it was. As I was ready to walk out the nurse finally looked at my urinalysis and realized that yeah.. something was definitely wrong. Isn't the Yuma hospital just the best?
They also checked if I was dilated. Only a centimeter. I have an appt on Friday.. and I get checked there too. Not looking forward to it AT ALL. That freaking hurt.

My dad was hospitalized on Friday. They flew him out on Sunday to Phoenix. He will hopefully be back tomorrow. He's doing really well now. Thank god. I was loosing it there for a second. It's really scary to think that someday they might be gone. I absolutely did not want that day to be here yet. Not even in 20 years. I still sometimes feel like a kid and that my parents will live forever. Especially my mom. I can't even picture my mom being sick with anything but the sniffles and a cough.

Still no sign of Elliott coming. Not even a contraction. I think he's getting way too comfortable in there. We'll see. By Friday I will only have a week left. June 13th is so damn close.

I'm so sad. For the past 2 weeks I have not been able to wear my engagement ring. I hate having swollen fingers and feet. It's so annoying.
My right foot is still the main one acting up. It's like I have one bear foot. haha.

God I need to get on the ball with the thank you cards. I still have yet to buy stamps. And I still need to write out the ones that will be in spanish. But I am feeling so sleepy and lazy lately. I just want to lay down and take naps all day.

I really want to dye my hair too. I had a dream where I dyed it back to the green. And I woke up and was so sad that I didn't have it anymore. I miss it. I feel so boring without it. I haven't been doing my hair lately. Just sticking it up in a ponytail and if I had some color in it it wouldn't look so blah.

Last but not least. I want Elliott out. =]

but I really want that day to be now. I want Elliott out!!! haha. Seriously. It's not that I am totally not loving being pregnant. Because I know once he's out I will want him back in to feel his little kicks and turns. But I am getting a little over it. haha. It seems all he wants to do in there now is hiccup and break my ribs. I just want to meet him really. I cant wait. Less than 3 weeks to go.

Leroy cost us a pretty penny the other day. His anal gland burst. It's not as funny as it sounds.. it's pretty gross actually. I hate having to hold him when Joe cleans it out. It's disgusting. But he looks pretty funny since he has to have a cone on his head.

He's being really needy though. And it's irritating the shit out of me. Little dogs are needy regardless and thats why I hate them. So it's like double time now.. and I'm trying to stay as sane as possible. ha.

I'm feeling really sleepy and hungry. So I'm off.

was so much fun. I loved it. My family deserves a great big thanks for everything they have done for me. And for letting our friends come over and hang out until like 10. Well Joe's friends stayed that long haha.
Now that we have almost everything I am so excited about getting the nursery ready. It's all painted. We got the wallpaper border we ordered. And I am making cute little things for his room. All we really need is a dresser.
I am going to start getting my hospital bag ready. Just in case Elliott wants to come out a little early. He is already in position. I am so glad! I was worried about him being breeched.
Well I am home now. Waiting for Joe to come home. I'm going to clean a little before he comes home to help him out because his friends are coming over to practice.
Joe and I have been really cutesy lately. I'm glad cause we wont have much time to do that once Elliott comes. We will both be too exhausted. I just hope Joe can still sleep with me. Luckily we haven't had a problem with sleeping since I have been pregnant. But it will be different having a crying baby and me getting up to feed him in the middle of night. I don't want him to be the walking dead when he wakes up to go to work cause he does have to wake up really early.
I am so excited about meeting Elliott. But also really scared. I have never been good with kids. I never knew what to do with them ha. I am good with them once they are able to talk and walk and go to the bathroom on their own but anything before that I'm lost. I've only babysat twice and they could all wipe their own ass. Wish Joe and I luck.

Today was a good day. Went swimming FINALLY! God I have been wanting to all day.. and Elliott was moving around like crazy haha. I'm guessing he was liking it.. or wondering what all the bouncing around was haha. Our Engagement Announcement came out today too. Everyone was excited. Except for my grandma on my dad's side. Because she found out that we were engaged by the paper and not from my dad. If there was a rolling eyes smiley face I would put it here. She always has something to say about everything. My grandma from my mom's side was so excited and happy. And said she was going to light a candle for Joe, Elliott and myself. For our marriage to last forever and for Elliott to be healthy. [It's a mexican thing] haha. I absolutely love life. I think this is the best year I have ever had. I have everything I have ever wanted and more. Except money. I would like some more of that. haha