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I am extremely happy with my love life.

Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others.

I rarely ever blog anymore. It just seems like I really have nothing to say. I do everything the same everyday. Very monotonous. Well lately I have been wanting to get a journal. One to write my dreams in. The ones I have been having are ones that I dont ever want to forget.

I've come to a realization and I really hope now I can just move on with my life and be a better person. I have been stuck in the past for way to long. Sometimes you just need to get the fuck over it.

Joe and I have been pretty good. We haven't fought in a while. It feels good to not have to worry about what you're gonna fight about this time. We have just been sitting home together with Elliott and loving every minute of it.

I love my little boy so much. I didn't ever think it was possible to love someone this much. He is just an amazing little boy. He can make me feel so much better just by giving me a little smile. I love him I love him I love him!

Well Joe and I have been struggling with money for a while. WACOG payed our aps bill which really helped a lot. It was over 800 bucks. We still owe the landlord money though. Which sucks. Cause we haven't been able to treat ourselves with anything lately. All I want to do is go out to eat at a restaurant but no. Eh. Oh well. I guess I should be use to it by now.

I am going to be 21 soon. I am excited but not. I don't think anyone is going to be here for my birthday. Jhanell might not make it. My sister is leaving at the end of October. And most of my friends are 21 yet. Joe said that we can hang out with Jordan and Ed or whatever.. but like.... those are his friends. Whatever.

I'm hungry. Time for some Ramen. =/

oh and also. I feel fucking fat and disgusting.

My Family


In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional little white lies the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.


Timid and attractive, the Rabbits of the Chinese Zodiac tend to act more like bunnies, whether they like it or not! This Sign is extremely popular and has a wide circle of family and friends. Its compassionate nature leads it to be very protective of those it holds dear, but where romance is concerned, the Rabbit's sentimentality can lead it to idealize relationships. The sweet, sensitive Rabbit often ends up giving more of itself to a partner than is realistic or healthy. The good news is, when this Sign goes off-balance, the Rabbit's core group of friends and its stable home life help bring it back to center.

The Rabbit is a rather delicate Sign that needs a solid base in order to thrive. Lacking close, supportive friends and family, the Rabbit might just break down in tears at the first sign of conflict. Emotional upsets in this Sign's life can even lead to physical illnesses. Rabbits dislike arguments and other conflict and will try anything to avoid a fight; this results in something of a pushover nature. Rabbits can also lapse into pessimism and may seem stuck in life -- often to mask their insecure natures. Rabbits tend to move through life's lessons at their own, rather contemplative pace; it's a waste of time to become exasperated with this Sign's seeming disinterest in facing its problems and conquering them.

With the right partner -- meaning someone whose high principles won't allow it to take advantage of this sensitive, giving Sign -- the Rabbit can make an incredibly loving and protective partner or family member. Rabbits love to entertain at home and always make sure their house is comfortable and tastefully-furnished. What Rabbits need most is a stronger sense of self-worth and the security that comes with it. Their discerning natures, coupled with some hard-won assertiveness, will help these happy creatures go far.


Though the Western rat is reviled as little more than a bottom-dwelling disease carrier, this animal is viewed much differently in the East. The Eastern rat is revered for its quick wits and its ability to accrue and hold on to items of value; rats are considered a symbol of good luck and wealth in both China and Japan. Clever and quick-witted, the Rat of the Chinese Zodiac is utterly disarming to boot. Possessed of excellent taste, this Sign flaunts its style at every turn. Its natural charm and sharp, funny demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone. The Rat likes to know who is on its side and will treat its most loyal friends with an extra measure of protection and generosity.

Behind that sweet smile, though, Rats are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas. This Sign is motivated by its own interests, which often include money; greed can become a problem if the Rat isn't careful to keep its priorities straight. This Sign's natural powers of charm and persuasion can definitely come in handy! Although they are often hoarders, Rats can be very generous to those in their pack, namely friends and family members who have proven their loyalty. Others might perceive them as quick-tempered and sharp-tongued, but never boorish. Verbal jousting is a great pleasure for the Rat, a Sign that everyone around will quickly learn either to love or to hate.

Rats enjoy being on the outside looking in, as the outside affords a view into the inner workings of a system or situation. The Rat's keen mind always seeks out new knowledge, to be stored away for future use. This ever-curious Sign also welcomes challenges as a way to stay sharp. If boredom sets in the Rat is no fun at all, but that isn't likely; this Sign knows how to keep itself entertained.

A valuable lesson for Rats is to learn to consider others above themselves, at least sometimes. If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats could find true happiness.
Is there​ somet​hing/​someo​ne you wanna​ let go of?
Story of my life.

What did you dream​ about​ last night​?​
i can't remember.

Have you heard​ a song that remin​ds you of anyon​e today​?​
today? no.

What will you do tomor​row?​
pay my aps before it gets shut off.

Do you drink​ iced tea?
no. i hate tea.

Have you ever lied to someo​ne about​ your feeli​ngs?​

Excit​ed for anyth​ing this week?​
I was excited today because I had lunch with MA.

What were you doing​ at 8:00 this morni​ng?​
I was waking up. but then i fell back asleep.

Who did you hug last,​ not inclu​ding your famil​y?​

Did you have a good birth​day this year?​
I haven't had it yet. It's in November.

Are you tired​ right​ now?
sort of, yes.

How many child​ren do you plan on havin​g?​

Do you own a littl​e black​ dress​?​
yes, but i dont think it fits me anymore.

When you see a foggy​ windo​w do you feel the need to draw or write​ on it?
no. not everytime.

How many cousi​ns total​ do you have?​

Did you get at least​ eight​ hours​ of sleep​ last night​?​
i got a LOT of sleep last night.

How old will you be in 5 years​?​
I will be twenty-six.

Ever stole​n a stree​t sign?​
no, i haven't.

Do you wear any jewel​ry 24/​7?​
my ring.

Do you know what you'​re going​ to wear tomor​row?​
nope. i never know until the last minute.

Is your phone​ withi​n a meter​ radiu​s of you?
no. its dead in my purse.

Who was the last perso​n to play with your hair?​
Elliott. He didn't so much play it as pull it.

Do you care if your water​ is from the fauce​t or a bottl​e?​
yes, i do.

Have you ever sleep​-​walke​d?​
i dont think so.

Do you feel like the world​ will be a bette​r place​ one day?
hopefully for the sake of elliott.

Who was the last perso​n to yell at you?

What'​s the last resta​urant​ you went to?

Will this weeke​nd be a good one?
Eh probably not.

What do you want right​ now?
water with ice would be nice.

Look behin​d you, what do you see?

What would​ you name your futur​e son?
His name is Elliott Nikolai.

Do you hate the last girl you were talki​ng to?
Fuck no i dont! I love my bestie.

When is the last time you took a nap?

Whose​ bed did you sleep​ in Wedne​sday night​?​

Do you miss anyon​e?​
of course i do.

Who is your last misse​d call?​
fuck if i know.

What time did you wake up today​?​
which time?.

Is there​ anybo​dy that you trust​ 100%​?​
only one person.

What did you do last night​?​

What do you hear right​ now?

Are you talle​r than your mom?

Do you think​ someo​ne loves​ you?
i know people love me.

Do you want to get marri​ed & have child​ren one day?

Could​ you go the rest of your life witho​ut smoki​ng a cigar​ette?​

Were you happy​ when you woke up?
I never have anything to write about.
Maybe because I never do anything.
I just sit at home. Take care of Elliott.
My life is pretty monotonous.

My dreams are my only escape.
Where I can do the things I wish I did in life.
Go outside.
I don't know what I'm losing?

You don't.

Writers Block

This question was in the writers block archive on LJ::
Do you miss anyone right now? What past experiences with this person, or these persons, make it easy for you to miss them?:::

Right as I read this two people came to mind. But I will only put one.

I miss her more than words could even explain. She is the only person in a long time that has made me feel like I have someone to really turn to. She can pick me up out of a rut just by a text. We have had so much fun together. Most of the fun stuff I have done in my life would have never happened if it wasn't for her. She has never judged me and has never pushed her opinions on me when I am doing something not so smart. And she has stuck by me through plenty of tough times.

I love you Jha Jha!

No Roxanne!

Nanny Butt had to go to the vet today. She isn't doing so well. And everything happened in the span of 3 hours. At 6 in the morning she was out and about bucking around like she does. Then I make a tv dinner lasagna at 9.. it blows so I go outside to give it to the dogs. I yell for "Nanny Baccs!!" About 4 times since they always take forever cause they have been staying under the house lately. But.. this time. Bacca was the only one who came for it. Which already said something was wrong because when it comes to food and Nanny nothing comes between them. So I freak out a little and literally yell her name for over 10 minutes. Even near the hole under the house where she gets in. And NOTHING. I call Joe almost in tears because I of course think the absolute worst. He says he is coming home so we hang up and a minute of me yelling her name again.. I hear "hmmmpphhh" THANK FUCKING GOD. I didn't think I could handle her not being alive let alone what Joe would have done. Joe comes home yells her name and she finally comes out. I feed her turkey and we cover the hole. We go inside to call the vet because she is limping and has a hangy thing near her back leg. she goes back under the house. It took us all day until 930 to get her out. Cause she was finally hungry.
We just got back from the vet. She thinks it is either an infection from a bug bite or an abscess. If she doesn't get better with the medicine we give her in 2 days we have to take her back to get a coagulation test.
I really hope she gets better. She is my favorite.

40 acres and a mule

I had such a fun time last night. It's been way too long since there has been an actual good show in Yuma. Joe threw one yesterday. There were supposed to be 5 bands playing. but only Joe's band and 2 out of town bands showed up. Regardless that show was fucking awesome. Great turnout. Joe should be proud. The last couple of shows in Yuma NONE of the damn bands showed up.

I loved being out and about listening to music with 30 other kids.
It was time much needed and time well spent.


Okay I was going to update my lj today. I had decided to do these little suggestions that lj has everyday just in case you have writers block.. but this was the question for today.

How do you feel about Pluto's recent demotion? Should it still be a planet?

i could honestly care less.

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April 2009


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